Truth and Shadow Self
I often used to struggle with combining my life of running a business with my spiritual beliefs. In the same hour of the day I could be negotiating a serious business deal, assessing wages and product costs in Excel, reviewing invoices and internal processes, whilst on the other hand booking in a tarot card reading and checking my horoscope. Throughout my career in running a multi faceted business, I kept in the closet about how my spiritual practices really played into my business. I made sure to keep things separate to my business life. I was afraid of people from my business dealings seeing me as ‘lesser than’ if they knew the real me. The me that really relied solely on my gut instinct and universal order to make serious business decisions. I was afraid that if people knew this about me, I would have been an imposter, or not a real business woman.
What I began to learn however is that the only person that was judging me, was myself. Separating out my two ‘lives’ meant that I was only showing up as half of myself to people. When I was with my ‘spiritual’ friends I was showing up as the deep, feminine, woo-woo part of me. When I was with ‘business’ friends I wanted to talk about business podcasts, investment seminars, etc. I realised that at the end of the day, I was only cutting myself short. How could I expect others to fully be themselves around me, if I wasn’t doing the same for them?
As I slowly began to let my walls down and let my spiritual beliefs infuse business, and vice versa, I began to realise people really began to see the real me. I began to realise that the people around me almost felt relieved that I was allowing myself to go deeper and stand in my truth. Vulnerability is hard, but it is amazing what shows up for you when you trust yourself. The amazing thing that happens when you start showing up as yourself fully, is you stop caring what people think anyway.
I learned that when you start showing up completely and not shapeshifting to suit the situation or person you are with, your energy shifts. When you allow yourself to really trust who you are deep down, you give other people the permission to go deeper within themselves too.
I also realised that the part of me that was wanting to put up walls and protect my ‘image’ was my ego. My ego was afraid of being judged, my ego wanted the acceptance of others. My ego tricked me into thinking I wasn’t good enough, so I had to control the outcome of what people thought about me.
Finding the space where you love yourself enough to let go of control and stop caring what the world thinks about you, is that area that has taken me the most work. It will always be a work in progress. We have been brought up in a society where we have been conditioned to believe we must always be striving for the next best thing. We are made to feel that we are not enough in this moment.
Unravelling all those built up walls, letting go of the conditionings, the belief systems that have kept us safe and small, is when our true self starts to emerge. Sitting in that space of truth is where true power lies.
Own who you are, sit with the uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability and watch the magic unfold. When you stand in your truth, the right people will appear by your side.
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Olivia Scott is a qualified reiki healer in Auckland, plus a life and business coach, author, podcast host & speaker. Get in touch here.