Why 'Self Help' can be a trap | Blog at Love by Olivia

I have spent a lot of my life as a confessed self help addict.

Since I was 17 and picked up my first self help book - Louise Hay’s; ‘Heal Your Life’ - I have had an affinity with learning about the self, the universe, and really getting deep on how to create my dream life.

Growing up I never had access to this sort of empowerment, and across my late teens and early twenties, I got a real kick off getting more connected, seeing my manifestations appear quicker than ever, experiencing greater health, better relationships, and a passion for life I didn’t know existed.

This self empowerment journey was (and still is) incredibly helpful for my evolution, however I have observed a flaw in this self empowerment obsessed industry (and that I have been guilty of too).

Firstly, there is no one size fits all.

I see this with my clients also. Each person has a unique upbringing, has a different reason to be here, a unique purpose and our own journey to experience. We come to earth with our lessons and karma to move through.

There is never going to be one magic guru that fixes us, but why would we want to give our power away to one person anyway? Without sounding cheesy, we really are our own guru. This is one of the most important truths. We should never hand our power away to anyone. Without a doubt, there will be guides who lead, inspire and expand us. I wholeheartedly believe in coaches, experts, authors and healers, who provide a framework and toolbox that allows us to remember who we are at the core. I don’t believe that there is ever any ‘quick fix’ or ‘one size fits all’ approach to creating our own version of success.

I believe that we must honour what we have learned so far on our path, observe what has worked for us, and continue to accumulate tools that inspire and motivate us. We will get to a point where we outgrow the tools that worked before, and need new ways to move forward and stay inspired. When this happens, let the tools go and lean into the discomfort of ‘not knowing’ what we need next. We are going to need different tools to expand to a new place than before, it’s important to honour this process. I have observed frustration when the tools that got us to great places before,, are not working anymore. Would you expect a 5 year old to play with the same toys that they loved when they were 3? We outgrow tools and need new challenges.

Secondly, you are never broken.

Naturally, we move towards expansion. Naturally, we crave growth. We are born to create, to ask questions, to gain clarity, to move forward. The work is never ending, we came here to evolve. The things that we ask for, will always be changing and growing as we expand beyond shadows.

The self-help industry can empower us, but should never make us feel like we need to do something in order to be fulfilled. We should never feel like without taking this ‘course;’ or thinking a certain way in order to achieve fulfilment, success, abundance, means we are not going to make it in life.

You do not have to manifest like Tony Robins. You are not a failure if you don’t live in a luxury mansion. You do not have to quit your corporate job in order to travel the world as an influencer, amazon reseller, or remote consultant.

Of course, if that is what lights you up - then go for it. But you are not immediately a failure for not wanting it. You can create your own version of success doing anything - do not let others define what success means for you.

Thirdly, let yourself feel.

Scream and shout if you want to. Be angry, say what you really think, and let that shit go.

Anything that makes us feel like we can’t be sad, or we have to hide the ‘negative’ emotions is not creating self expression, it is asking us to hide parts of ourself. It is asking us to pretend we are okay. Which is only creating further shadow. Labelling emotions as ‘bad’ only creates separation from our true self.

We all have shadows, we have parts of ourselves we don’t we don’t want to look at. The highs, the lows, the ugly parts are all part of our human existence. Ignoring the ‘bad’ parts doesn’t mean they don’t exist anymore, we need to embrace and love our whole selves - not part of it. When we love only part of ourselves, we can only show up as a fragment of our entire self. When we embrace our flaws and our beauty as a whole - we experience life fully.

Seeking ‘personal growth’ can become a trap to looking externally for safety, validation or happiness. Part of the process is finding love for where we are now, love for where we have been, where we are going, and everything in this moment.

We really do have everything within. We hold the answers when we let ourself listen.

Self empowerment resources are incredible, and I am a huge advocate for taking power over your own life. But don’t let self empowerment become a reason not to experience life’s quirks. We are not here to avoid pain, we must let ourself process and expand. Our imperfections make us beautiful.

Let's take our power back!

Love, Olivia

3 reasons why 'Self Help' can be a trap

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